My aunt called and told me to check my parents email and forward them the jokes, so la de da I'm going thru and the last one is this...
Subject: stuff you'll need to know going south
If you are from the Northern states and planning on visiting or
moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help
you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:
The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes.
The South has 'mater samiches.
The North has coffee houses.
The South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services.
The South has family reunions.
The North has double last names.
The South has double first names.
The North has an ambulance.
The South has an amalance.
The North has Indy car races.
The South has stock car races.
The North has Cream of Wheat.
The South has grits.
The North has green salads.
The South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters.
The South has crawdads.
If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a
four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly.
Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same
store...don't buy food at this store.
Remember, "y'all" can be singular, "all y'all" is plural and "all
y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They
can't understand you either.
The proper pronunciation and grammar you learned in school is no
Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense down here.
"It don't make me no nevermind" is just another way of saying "I
"She's hard-favored" means "that girl is unattractive".
"She's all ate up with the uglies" needs no further explanation.
Same for "He's all ate up with the stupids".
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the
smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local
grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You
just have to go there.
When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the
road, remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere and that is
the proper speed and position for that vehicle.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own
shotguns, they are proficient marksmen and their mammas taught them how to
A yankee comes to the South, spends his money and then goes back up
North. A damn yankee comes to the South and just stays.
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will
automatically accept them as Southerners. After all, just because the cat
had kittens in the oven don't make 'em biscuits.